Conduit of Joy

While I was buffetted around by the crowd at a Sheryl Crow concert, this phrase came into my head."Conduit of Joy". What was that supposed to mean?

Sheryl Crow is of one of my favourite singers.  Her authenticity hits me right in the gut.  Something about the timbre of her voice makes me go wobbly inside.  The harmonies in her songs make me feel like weeping with their beauty.  Her lyrics mirror experience and convey deep emotion to me.

Sometimes I have fantasized about being her. In many ways, she expresses what I would be doing with my own singing talent in an alternate universe.   She embodies what kind of singer I would be - the type of music she sings, her look, her songwriting, the emotion she conveys.

As I watched her in concert I felt the part of me that was on the stage with her.  As she sang, I  remembered what it was like to have the Divine sing through me when I was on stage.  I got shivers down my spine as she sang "Maybe Angels".  The crowd was pretty sedate except for one guy.  He looked like he perhaps he was on something, but maybe he was just high on life.  Whatever he was, he was totally in alignment with what Sheryl was delivering.  He danced with total abandon. He didn't give a shit what anyone thought about how he was dancing, what he looked like, or anyone else's judgements of any kind.  He was just grooving.  

I was sitting in my seat, dying to start dancing, but I couldn't quite work up the nerve yet.  Then I thought, "If that guy down there can do it, so will I".  I stood up, feeling self-conscious at first.   Then as the music moved me, I didn't really care what anybody else thought.  I could feel the energy start moving through me, more and more.

A little while later I saw a guy down the row from me, looking at me intently.  It wasn't a look of desire, or disgust.  His look was saying "Oh my God I wish I were free to dance like you.  I'm dying to dance but my inhibitions/partner/fear of looking like an idiot are not letting me."  I was kind of freaked out, but then I started feeling real pity.  The only thing worse than people thinking you look like an idiot when you're dancing, is not having the courage to get up and dance at all.  What a shame that he cared that much about what other people though, that it prevented him from getting his groove on.  After all, Sheryl was only here for tonight.

All of sudden it hit me.  I was this guy's "Conduit of Joy".  He was feeling all the love and alignment of Sheryl's music, but he just couldn't express it.  I was expressing his feelings as well as my own, through my dancing.  Then I thought about the guy on the floor.  For awhile, he was my "Conduit of Joy".  

It's so much easier to imagine how to do something when you have a model.  Sheryl was modelling pure joy for the audience, and it was being directly expressed by the guy on the floor.  Now I was the model for the guy down my row.  We were all modelling joy for each other.  We were each slipstreaming for each other, on the Highway of Joy.

Joy is our natural state.  If you watch children you know this is true.  They can find joy in any activity.  We don't have to make ourselves happier.  We have to strip away the crap that we accumulate over our naturally joyful selves and get ourselves back to our natural state of joy.

There is a particular brand of joy out there for you and you alone.  The Universe came up with a big hunk of it for you on the day you popped into this world.  It's specifically your brand, it is what you and you alone think is fun, great and lights your fire.  Nobody else can get your share of joy and nobody else can express it fully for you.

The "conduit of joy" experience at the concert showed me that we should be "conduits of joy" for each other.  It was probably one of the primary reasons we were put on this earth.

So...get a little help to take you to Joy.  Pick a lead "joy driver".  This should be someone whose art, music, writing, whatever, makes you feel so excited you think your head is going to pop off.  You know who they are.  Once this person gets you on the Highway of Joy, you'll get a clearer and clearer picture of how to get to your own Joy-town.  After all, now you are on that Highway and you are in the driver's seat.  You get to decide where you want to go, and which exits you might want to take.

It is your highest duty to yourself, to be your own "conduit of joy".  You are God's divine expression of Himself.  You are made of the matter that created worlds, and you deserve your share of the Joy pie.

Now get in that car and drive!  If you look in the rear-view mirror don't be surprised if someone else is tailing you.  :)

Hello Yellow Brick Road!

A few weeks ago, I took my kids to see "The Wizard of Oz". It was fantastic. I had forgotten, or maybe I never knew how many levels the story worked on. The scarecrow unbeknownst to himself was smart. The lion actually had courage when the chips were down. The tinman realized he did have lots of heart.

The plucky little duffer that played Dorothy was the catalyst for it all. She was the one little girl who had the gumption to do what everyone else was scared to do. She challenged the powers that be, and helped everyone around her, including herself, to see their own amazing truths. When she didn't know what to do, her friend Glinda the Goodwitch came to her assistance. Amazing how once she decided to whole-heartedly commit to something, the Universe helped her along.

So what does this "Somewhere Over the Rainbow-ing" have to do with me?

The day after I saw the play, I was laying in bed listening to the radio when "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" came on the radio. The next day I heard it again. Then I was reading a blog post that mentioned the Wizard of Oz. Once the Universe shows me three signs in short order I pay extra careful attention. I had been asking the Universe for guidance on what to do with my life - what was the relevance of these messages for me?

When I was a wee child, I loved to sing more than anything. I sang with my whole heart.It was all I really ever wanted to do. I sang all day long, as loud as I could and whenever I wanted. I could sing louder than my entire elementary school choir, which I considered a point of pride.

One day, our music teacher told us we'd be performing the musical "The Wizard of Oz". Once I heard the music, I was hooked. I absolutely loved the song "Somewere Over the Rainbow". Then our music teacher told us that only kids from the grade above us would be considered for the lead roles of Dorothy, the Tinman, the Scarecrow and the Lion. I was incensed! I knew I was the best singer in the school and I wouldn't be eligible to Dorothy?

I auditioned and was cast as one of the Munchkins. This was not good enough for me. I knew I was a better singer than the girl who had been cast as Dorothy, and I wouldn't stand for it. I couldn't stand for it, because it was wrong. She didn't love that song when she sang it, like I would have. I demanded a re-audition, pint-sized diva that I was.

My music director politely re-auditioned me and told me that since I was in the lower grade that I would still be a Munchkin. He tried to console me by telling me that I was an excellent singer, and I could audition for a lead role the next year. The unfairness! How could talent not trump ridiculous rules! Was this how the world operated? My indignation did not abate for many years.

Flashforward 28 years....What happened to that Dorothy wanna-be? I appear to have lost my pluckiness and my ruby slippers. I am far from "home" - who I am really am. I need to create something that is truly of me, and has genuine meaning for me. Something that could channel my real feelings and ideas. Things that weren't being coaxed out in my paid employment. Perhaps a blog would be a good idea...

Back then was such a "plucky" Dorothy, and I didn't even have the knowledge, experience, skills that I have now. Perhaps I will borrow a little "Dorothy-ness" from the little diva that I was. Perhaps that "Dorothy-ness" can lead me down my own yellow-brick road towards Kansas.

Guess what? This morning I woke up to the sounds of Judy Garland on the radio. First thing I saw at the office was a co-worker was wearing her ruby-red slippers. A tiny tornado just ripped by and pulled the sticky with these ideas on it up, up and away....here I go!