Get rid of the psychic garbage!

Recently I was preparing to move. While I dreaded the packing, I forgot how much I enjoyed packing and moving, even though most people complained about it. When I was single, I used to move every few years. Moving not only kept me from accumulating piles of useless junk, but for some reason kept me in the present moment.

As I thought about moving to a new neighborhood, I was met by the harsh reality of the death of some of my most cherished fantasies about my ideal life in this neighborhood. When I moved into this neighborhood, I had grand visions. My children would be bare-footed best friends with the wild-spirited kids of the free-spirited woman who lives behind me. We would invite the elderly neighbor next door for tea with the kids, and she would become a grandma-like figure to them.

The looming moving date yanked me back into reality. The free-spirited woman was too busy taking her kids to alternative schools for her kids to play with mine. Our elderly neighbor was usually cranky and often critical about many things we did.

Now that I was moving, these dreams could never come true. But did they really have a chance of even existing? I started thinking that since I had lived in the same house for 9 years already, it was more than likely at this point that these fantasies would never come true, if they hadn’t already. I felt sad, but then happy. I realized I was mourning the idea of these fantasies and the idealized version of my life they evoked, more than the relationships I had with the real life people involved.

While I was organizing and packing I experienced similar feelings. As I yanked the ad for organic food delivery off my fridge, I suddenly realized “I guess I won’t be doing that”. While I experienced a wave of sadness for not having accomplished one of my goals, it was soon followed by a larger wave of relief. I was now released from the burden of doing it, and more importantly released from the guilt I was giving myself for the whole time I did not do it.

My relief started to grow and grow as I went through the junk drawer. All of sudden I was gleefully chucking away saved twist-ties and random screws. With the disposal of each of these items, I was being freed of all the obligations this stuff was tying me to. By getting rid of my sprouter, I no longer had to someday be sprouting my own sprouts. By getting rid of the touch-up paint for the TV room, meant that I no longer had committed myself to touching up the paint in the future.

I realized that my fantasies about my “ideal” life and the guilt I imposed on myself for not following through, is the real psychic garbage. These lofty ideals and my self-imposed judgment is what really needs to be cleaned out of my mind on a regular basis, and I suspect from most people’s minds. The problem is, I am usually not even conscious that I am judging myself constantly. Most of the things I was judging myself for, really weren’t even that important in the grand scheme of things.

Once the guilt was gone I experienced a lightness, an almost giddiness. I was free. So I didn’t get around to doing what I thought I “should”. I was free to do something different or better in the future. No wonder I had always enjoyed moving so much! The chance to be freed of all ones’ fantasies of an ideal life and the self-imposed guilt from not fulfilling those fantasies – how fantastic! No wonder I kept moving every few years!

The best thing about this discovery is, if I want to, I can stay in the same spot. Every year now, however, I am going to make a point of having a spring cleaning of my “psychic garbage”.

Is there anything that needs to be chucked out of your head today?